I am not a religious or deeply spiritual person - not by a long shot. Those who know me would probably say I am a skeptic, jaded, a cynic even. I don't go to church unless it's for a wedding, christening or a funeral. If there is an elephant in the room, I will point it out while everyone else is admiring the d‚cor because it would be ignoring the obvious. I am not easily moved and rules must make sense to me.
What I do believe in however, is that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that we all have a purpose in this life. Yes, I do believe that there is a Being much higher than myself and that He or She has a special design for each one of us. Finding my purpose has been a long and arduous journey peppered with some good hits in the mean time and a whole lotta misses in the between time! But I have a feeling that is about to change.
In May this year, I sat at the Defence Club with my "adopted" son Dwain talking about the need for a radiation machine locally to help complement the limited chemotherapy treatment currently available for cancer patients. Both Dwain and I lost people very dear to us to the dreaded C. My mother, Margaret, succumbed to complications from stomach cancer on 13 May, 2005 at age 52. Dwain lost his beloved grandmother, Millie, to colon cancer around the same time.
"How much do you think it would cost?" he asked.
"I have no idea but I imagine it would be like a few hundred thousand." I said in between sips of the locally brewed ale that is always served at the right chill (and price) at the DC.
"Ok, let's say its $200,000, how we gonna raise that kind of money?"
"We could do that shave thing they do overseas to raise money for cancer," I suggested "We could find like 10 or 20 really prominent people and ask each of them to raise 10 or $20,000 each. Heck, I'm willing to shave my own head for this because it is something we desperately need and no matter how much it costs, we have got to start somewhere right?"
That conversation continued for another hour as we hammered out details of how we could package it, who we would ask, how we would pitch it to potential shavees and how we would market it. It got to the point where the beer started to overtake our ability to stay in the same lane as the event grew bigger than we could keep track of. We decided to leave the conversation for another day, which we did but this time over a bowl of grog. That second conversation ended with us agreeing that we would consult a mutual friend of ours who herself, had recently survived cancer, on how we could put our very ambitious idea into action.
A few weeks later, I opened the paper one day in mid-June to read about the launch of the WOWS - Shave it or Save it Challenge (SISI) to raise money for Kids with Cancer. Well, I'll be damned I thought to myself laughing, Sina and Taholo got ahead of me on this one. I have known Taholo Kami on a social basis since June 2009 in my capacity as the first aider for the Suva Golden Oldies Rugby Team. Sina, I had met at a few Oldies after-match functions and had always found her to be very warm with a hearty laugh.
The story of their daughter Tae, I learnt through the media, a little more from conversations with Taholo and also through a friend who lived at the time, a few doors down from the Kamis in Tamavua. I had watched Tae's interview on television and saw the way she inspired the Tongan rugby team to win the Pacific Nations Cup in 2008 and how the King of Tonga was moved to tears when he visited her near the end to present her a medal for bravery. How awful for her I thought to myself but also how awesome is it that this young girl whose life was ebbing, could inspire people to reach beyond themselves.
After a three and a half-year battle with a rare form of jaw cancer that left her 15 year-old body battered and deformed, Tae joined her Creator on 16 August, 2008. But before Tae died, she made Sina and Taholo promise that they would:
1. Set up Resource Centres to support children with cancer and their families in Pacific Island Countries.
2. Operate a Walk on Walk Strong Fund to support children with cancer and their families.
3. Start a scholarship fund for children who cannot afford school fees; and
4. Build a hospital specifically for pediatric cancer.
Walk on Walk Strong (WOWS) is the title for the song she wrote and recorded a few months before she died. If you hear the original recording, Tae's vocals are strong and clear. You wouldn't know that at the time, Tae had lost most of the bone structure in her face. Such was her resolve and her indomitable spirit that even cancer in full and terrible flight could not deter her.
Sina tells me that through it all, Tae never once complained about what she was going through. Her focus was not on how the illness was taking over her body, but rather on how her family was coping. There is a line in Walk on, Walk Strong where Tae observes how Sina is struggling with the pain of knowing that the end was near. Tae writes, "She's crying in the corner, the work's never done, I'm trying to explain to her that the victory has been won." Tae saw cancer as a blessing and not a curse. Once she decided that, her purpose became that much clearer.
In his tribute to Tae at the thanksgiving service at the Anglican Cathedral on Sunday (14/08), WOWS volunteer Matt Wilson, described Tae as "this blest child (who) has come back from beyond the grave and from her place in eternity to inspire us, to encourage us and urge us on." If you ever followed WOWS since the first walk in 2009, you would understand how this is true.
Though it all, Tae framed her pain around three words - Love, Faith and Hope. They formed the foundation of a logo designed by Tae which are represented by a heart curling inward and a cross to the top right of it on the outside.
"The heart symbolizes the Love that surrounds us, the curves into the heart are the deep roots of Faith and the cross represents Hope, that pulls us all upwards," Sina explains.
When the first WOWS walk was held in August 2009, I along with the Oldies turned out to support our fellow team mate, Taholo and to also honour the memory of members of our family who had passed on because of cancer. That first walk drew about 600 people, the second walk in August last year, I missed for work reasons but I believe more than 500 attended. This year, I would venture that some 2,000 people attended and money raised so far in the Shave It of Save It campaign reached just over the $100,000 target set by WOWS.
In late June, about a week after the Shave it or Save it launch, I met Taholo and Sina again at a farewell function for a diplomat. After a walk-around meeting and greeting, I made my way across to them to relay my support to WOWS - SISI Challenge and offered to join the ranks of nominees but only if I could raise $10,000. At the mention of $10,000 Taholo tells me that Sina wanted to take on the challenge as well for $10,000 but she wasn't sure if she could make that amount of money and was rethinking the whole thing.
"Of course we can do it!" I say with Dutch-courage coursing through my veins. "We're women, we shouldn't shave our hair for less - I know we can do it!"
Think about it. Guys shave their head - no big deal, it's what guys do. For women, our hair is our most prized and distinguishing feature and to shave it or lose it for whatever reason, can be a very traumatic affair. At this point it was only about placing a price on beauty - for us it was $10,000. To illustrate my point, on the day of SISI (13/08), one husband put up $1,000 to Save his wife's hair when he found out that she had put up $1,000 to join the Shave. That night, Sina and I made a pact that we would take on the challenge.
In the month leading up to D-Day for SISI, I made a few calls and saw that getting that $10,000 on my own wasn't going to be easy. As time passed, I felt a wave of panic slowly rise and threaten to overtake me. I had given my word and I'd be damned if I was going down without a fight. It was time to call in reinforcements. I turned to a former Fiji Red Cross colleague who is a rolodex of donors most likely to donate to worthy charities. While Lavinia, my brigade of one, set about putting together a list of donors, I did what I do best - I drafted an Ask letter, which I mass emailed. Only one person responded with a pledge.
I also posted my intentions on Facebook. I got more Likes (useless!) than dollars from it but in the age of social media, I decided that I would continue to update my status - say it loud enough and long enough, someone is bound to hear you - I tell myself. A week later, my friend Laisani in the USA did and made a pledge. Yay!
My brother was getting married on 25 July and I had applied for a week off work two months prior, to attend that and spend time with my family who were coming in from abroad. The wedding was also an opportunity to hold a mini-reunion for our family. The week prior to that I was out West for a few days for work as well which meant that time was one commodity of which I was in very short supply. I was slowly starting to lose hope. At this point I had only managed to collect a paltry $220 in pledges.
Just when I felt my spirits flag I got a phone call from our manager administration the day before I was to go on leave. He called to tell me that I was to attend a two-day workshop on the Wednesday (27/09) and Thursday (28/09) of my leave week and oh by the way, we have to have our morning tea on the Friday (29/07) to raise money for cancer. Seeing that my leave was over before it even started, I talked my way into making that morning tea into a fundraiser towards my SISI Challenge, it was accepted. I was rejuvenated. I also wrote 35 letters which my daughter Laryssa and her friend Sian mailed and hand delivered for me the following Monday (1/08).
My fellow colleagues - Zarine, Emmaline and Adrienne, took it upon themselves to help me collect money from staff on the day of the tea. The social club and management pitched in with a few goodies so all money raised was free and clear. That morning tea made me $680 - the highest amount raised by staff at Fiji Development Bank for an event of this nature. Better news came before the end of day, the Bank was going to top that with another $500. Orighty, I thought to myself I have broken the $1,000 mark, can I make $2,000?
Whether they were inspired in part by Sina's presentation before the morning tea or by the cause itself, my three musketeers mooted the idea of a barrel nite as an additional fundraiser. I honestly didn't think that we could get the carpark at the Bank for what was essentially a private fundraiser but I was wrong. I asked and it was approved on the Friday, a week before the deadline of 13 August. Excluding the weekend, we had effectively only three days to get beers donated as well as prizes for the kati and the raffle and sell tickets for the barrel nite on Thursday (11/08). The goodness in the hearts of FDB management, staff and everyone else we approached was astounding. This fundraiser netted me $1,350. My only expense was $12 for ice and plastic bowls.
"At the end, Tae's body was broken but her spirit was so strong. A light beamed from her heart. It has touched so many people all over the world, it has touched all of us," Matt Wilson said at the Thanksgiving Service last Sunday (14/08).
"The light of Tae has been shining brightly in Fiji through WOWS. Fijians all over the islands have identified with the cause she championed - relief and support for child cancer victims. Yesterday (13/08) because of Tae, hundreds of people - men, women and children - walked for more than an hour to express their solidarity with WOWS. Nearly 50 volunteers sacrificed the very hair on their heads because of Tae. It was a spectacle the like of which Fiji had never seen. The Pacific's most celebrated entertainers, the Laughing Samoans, came here because of Tae. They too have become cancer crusaders."
I don't think that luminous ray emitted by Tae will never be extinguished. Even when all was said and the nominees finalized, several members of the audience were so inspired by the sacrifice nominees made in raising money to shave their hair; that they made a few calls themselves and pulled in a few more thousand dollars for a shave as well! How do you explain this? I can't. At least 200 people stayed on right to the end of the day's programme.
Between the morning tea and the barrel nite, I received cash donations plus pledges from a few individuals such as the Oldies, Women in Business and a few business houses to whom I am ever so grateful. Before close of business on Friday (12/08) I had reached $6,910.90. Who is going to give me that $90 to get to $7,000 I thought out loud. No sooner had I said that, I clicked open my Hotmail to find an email from my friend and fellow Oldie, Arshad with $100 pledged. Yes, yes, yes! Faith, faith, faith!
By Saturday morning, I was buoyed - I had managed to raise a respectable $7,200. It wasn't $10,000 but it was $7,200 more than I had when I decided to embark on this venture. As I write this, I am up to $7,950. Will I get to $10,000? I know so. Why? Because if there is one thing this whole endeavour has taught me, is that I need to have more faith. Faith in myself, faith in the people I surround myself with and faith in humanity.
I was one of the first lot of five, three women and two men, to get my head "shorn". As I sat on that stool, I had never felt so vulnerable in my life. I look across at a sea of faces but I see no one. I close my eyes as strands of my short locks fall to the bottom of the stool. I had no idea what awaited me at the end of the shave. Will the back of my head be flat? Will I have dandruff on my scalp? What if I look terrible? Oh, dear God, what am I doing???
I take a deep breath and focus my thoughts on why I decided to do this in the first place. To honour the memory of my mother and all that she endured to give me and my siblings a better life and also the children with cancer who will be given a chance at life through the money I am helping raise. I think of Sina and Taholo and of the immeasurable pain of losing a child so young, I open my eyes to look into the face of my own daughter, sitting there on the floor at the bottom of the stage, tears welling in her eyes. Had Tae lived, they would be the same age. At that point I am overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude and I count my many blessings.
My hair will grow back; this is much more than the children living through the battle with cancer may have the opportunity to say. I can do this. As I step off the stage when all is done Sina walks towards me and wraps me up in a hug. The tears that I had to this point held back, break through in waves and we stand there for a minute comforting each other.
When Sina's turn came to shave her hair, I sat at the front of the stage as show of solidarity and support. It could not have been easy for her. As she wept, I too wept. It was pointless to even try and restrain tears. Later, at the Thanksgiving Service, Sina talked about why she had her eyes closed while her hair was being shaved.
"I could feel Tae standing there in front of me, smiling. I didn't want to open my eyes because I didn't want her to leave," Sina said.
In his Thanksgiving tribute Matt said:
"Yesterday (13/08) one of the shavers called Tae ‘miraculous'. When we think about what we might conclude, Tae was indeed a miracle."
"As her earthly time drew to a close, Tae said she felt like had already had her miracle. These were her words: ‘Though my body may not be whole or perfect, my spirit is. I've been HEALED already. Only God knows why such things happen, but I do know is that He's forever with me. I believe God has healed me in a way no one understands, but He will reveal it to us in His own time'."
A month before she died, Tae said "God will make a ministry from my pain."
"The Ministry is with us now. It is happening. It is growing. We are called to be part of it. Is that a miracle?" Matt asks in his tribute.
To Sina and Taholo, your daughter is now our daughter. We have taken her into our hearts and pledge that her pain and her struggle with this dreadful disease shall not have been in vain. From her struggle will come a new one, one that is founded on renewed love, faith and hope so that her wish for better treatment, care and support for children with cancer and their families will now be a reality.
I am like I said, a skeptic but had I not experienced this for myself, I would shrug any mention of miracles but I am not going to. On Saturday, I witnessed a miraculous coalescence of humanity founded out of love, faith and hope. I personally, have experienced how positive things happen when I manifest faith and I know that if I should ever be faced with a seemingly insurmountable trial in life, I only have to remind myself to have faith and continue to Walk On and Walk Strong.
I believe also that I may have found my purpose and I have not given up on the idea of a radiation therapy machine.
In a post-script to this reflection, I want to share with you the various reactions that I have had to my new bald (bold?) look but let me first say that I now have great empathy for cancer patients who lose their hair as a result of chemotherapy. On the Sunday after the Shave, my daughter and I went grocery shopping. The stares from shoppers started from the carpark and lasted for the time that we spent in the supermarket. While shopping, my daughter "lost" me for a few seconds because she couldn't "locate" me. I was standing only a few feet away from her.
While walking towards MHCC an hour later, a man standing on a corner "choking" people walking by called out to me, "Hey brother! Hey brother! Fifty cents!"
When we got to our favourite Korean/Japanese eatery, my friend Mr. Kim the proprietor was aghast at my appearance. "Why heart break?" he asked. Laughing, I told him I didn't shave my head because of a broken heart, but because I helped raise money for Children with Cancer. That seemed to ease his concerns a bit but he needed reassurance so he calls his wife Martha from the kitchen, who is equally stunned managed only a, "Why? Why?"
I would have to say though I like my new look and there is much to be said for being bald - no shampoo, no combing, no fuss, no bother. And as one Oldie said, "Welcome to the Club Syl, honoured to have your membership. ....bald is sexy!" Amen!
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